Are you a woman who sometimes struggles with self-doubt, even though you may be successful in business, be a brilliant friend, an amazing mother who looks after her children and everyone else for that matter?
Do you sometimes question your own abilities and wonder whether you are good enough in certain situations?
Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed at times, trying to juggle work, children, errands, social activities etc.
Do you sometimes wish you felt more confident so that you could grab opportunities when they are presented to you – or even better – get out there and create those opportunities?
It is very common for women to experience that niggle of self-doubt creeping into their minds. Women in general, frequently underestimate their abilities. Men – in general – seem to be far better and more comfortable at ‘blowing their own trumpets’ – so to speak – than us females. This can apply to whether you want to push yourself towards a job promotion, actively seek more clients, be in a situation where you have to promote yourself, or ask for something that you want.
And so on and so forth.
There are some factors at play here.
From the time we are born, girls are taught to be the nurturers, the carers, the givers.
So why do so many women feel so uncomfortable in asserting their wants or needs?
There are usually limiting beliefs that are the crux of it.
Common ones I hear are as follows:-
“I feel that I’ll be labelled as being pushy or aggressive if I’m driven to achieve my work ambitions…”
“I don’t want to ask for that job promotion or pay rise because I’m not sure I tick all the boxes…”
“I’m not sure I should apply for that job because I don’t think I fit the criteria of what the employers are looking for…”
“I’m not sure I look good in this dress. Does my bum look abit big?”
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing a good job at being a mother…”
“I don’t feel comfortable with selling and promoting my services for fear of being seen as ‘hard-seller’…”
“I feel nervous giving a presentation because I worry what others may think of me….”
You get the idea.
The language used is self-depreciating, negative and doubtful. What this internal dialogue does is enable the woman to create a story in her mind as to why she can’t do something or why she shouldn’t do it. These stories then validate her reasons and then she finds herself avoiding a situation or an opportunity because of these limiting thoughts. Hey presto, she has an excuse not to do something now because of the stories she has created in her mind.
The irony is that to our friends, us women are typically very nurturing and supportive and if we had a friend who was saying all those things to herself, we would quickly jump to her aid to support and encourage her. If only our internal dialogue was that supportive at times!
Here’s the thing.
Confidence is typically learned – or not – in childhood. Often, all it takes is for a 5 year old to hear a comment perhaps from a parent, sibling, friend or teacher such as, “Oh you haven’t done this properly!” – which in some instances, that child can take that comment on board and to heart and suffer from self-doubt in adult life.
How can we overcome self-doubt?
Here are some tips which can help.
Profound change starts from the very first baby step.
You can make that change.
The Online Course, “7 Ways to Build your Confidence” is coming soon which goes into depth around how to do just that.